


and i've been sitting at the bottom of a swimming pool (for some time now).

by willowcat33



Series: ETNuary 2020! [3]
Category: Escape the Night (Web Series)
Genre: ETNuary, Gen, Jc Survives, Survivor Guilt, Swimming, Swimming Pools, just general contemplation over the event of the night, oh yeah, trying to deal with emotions by swimming??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:02:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22085341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/willowcat33/pseuds/willowcat33
Summary: (ETNuary Day 3: Jc Caylen)Jc has always used swimming as a mechanism to cope- and now he needs it more than ever, after that night in Everlock. But what he doesn't realise is that he also needs Matt- to keep himself from drowning in his own head.
Relationships: The Detective | Matthew Patrick & The Hippie | JC Caylen
Series: ETNuary 2020! [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1587880
Comments: 14
Kudos: 21





	and i've been sitting at the bottom of a swimming pool (for some time now).

**Author's Note:**

> idk why i associate jc with water so much????? maybe because in my greek gods au he's poseidon?? not sure
> 
> but anyway general tw's for survivors guilt and contemplation and panic and if swimming squicks you out or something that too is in this fic <3

_ Push, pull. Push, pull. _

_ Breathe. _

_ Push, pull. Push, pull. _

_ Breathe. _

Jc cuts through the water with clean strokes, letting his thoughts empty apart from the rhythm of swimming and breathing. The pool is very quiet for a Saturday, but not eerily so. It's very comforting to Jc. 

_ Push, pull. Push, pull. _

He swims length after length, even when his turns are sloppy a few times, or when his pace falters. He keeps going. Just like he had to his night.

_ Breathe. _

Jc winces, pulling his train of thought away from that god-awful night. Whilst he, Joey, and Matt had all made of out alive, the others didn't get so lucky.

_ Push, pull. Push, pull. _

He squeezes his eyes shut, trying not to remember as he turns and starts his next length. The comforting buoyancy would be even better if he didn't  _ always  _ feel like he was floating through each day.

_ Breathe. _

Clearing his thoughts is harder than Jc would have hoped, as he tries to purge memories from his head. He tried to focus on the rippling, rumbling and splashing of the water around him instead.

_ Push- Death cries and final moments-, pull - running from zombies for his life, solving clue after clue after  _ clue.

Jc falters, finishing a length and hanging on the edge of the pool and to try and catch his breath and stop this wave of thoughts before it can even swell.

_ Breathe. _

Breathe. One simple word. His therapist keeps telling him to do more of it, especially when he panics- so now is a fitting time to breathe more, he supposes.

_ Breathe. Be grateful. You're alive, and not alone. Breathe, Caylen, come  _ on.

He hangs onto the wall, counting his breaths, slowing them as best he can until he's ready to go again, starting up a new rhythm of swimming. 

_ Push, pull. Push, pull. _

_ Survivor's guilt is one hell of a bitch, _ he thinks to himself. Oh, Jc knows he fought and  _ won  _ his spot in the final surviving three -  _ god, it was only the  _ three  _ of us? -  _ but sometimes he still feels as if some of the others deserved his place. Well, they  _ all  _ deserve to be here still, but all the same- sometimes Jc doubts his own worth more than he'd care to admit.

_ Breathe. _

He sucks in a breath, trying not to get lost in his head again. Jc knows that overthinking isn't worth it but he can barely stop himself from running over the night again and again as he leans on the edge of the pool once more.

"Hey, Jc. You ready to go?" Matt's voice startles Jc out of his thoughts as he appears in front of him- Jc had been thinking too hard to notice Matt walk up.

"Huh? Oh, yeah.. yeah, let's go." He replies, pushing some of his damp curls out of his eyes. Jc smiles at Matt- at least, he tries to- it doesn't quite meet his eyes. Matt smiles back, stepping out of the way as Jc uses the edge of the pool to pull himself up and out of the water.

Matt helps him to his feet, and they walk back to the changing room. And it's much easier to stay out of his head when Matt's with him- that's something Jc learned that night as well.

**Author's Note:**

> day threeeee!!!!!!! woooooooooooooooo!!  
> tomorrow is some SAE Shane babey woot woot  
> thanks for all the love and comments please keep em comin if you enjoy this it keeps me going!!  
> <3<3<3


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